Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Walk the line.

There has been a revelation to me over life that there are a lot of fine lines. A multitude of areas in life where it is certain that reason must be used to dictate a drastic outcome. A detail, a motive, a conviction, an understanding, or even an accidental step can change a situations dynamic in such a way that it can and will directly affect an outcome. Usually the line is clear, usually it is separating right and wrong. The thing is though, that life usually isn't usual.

And so we are faced with the line. We are faced with the understanding that we must choose between one option or another. Today, like many times over the last month, it seems life has presented the line of selflessness versus stupidity. Mainly with the regard to loving people. At what time is it OK to not put yourself out there any longer for the good of someone else? At what point is it OK to not leave yourself a sitting duck? When does it become appropriate to pull out of the uphill fight to make sure you don't get knocked out?

I follow the leadership model of Christ, I love Him, I strive to be like Him, I want to love like He loves me. I wish I could do that. I wish I wasn't human, I want to be perfect, I desire to live up to His glory. Yet I keep failing and my inability to love like that, to be completely selfless, patient, and understanding, has driven me to the brink of thoughts like; "is it worth it to even try to be patient, selfless, and understanding?" The only thing that seems to be producing any fruit is my lack of sanity and a lot of confusion.

Knowing that I am broken, that I am a sinner, and that my heart is persuaded by the world. I have to face the brutal truth that I am self-centered, that my need weighs heavy. But I must keep myself in check. A couple questions keep circling my mind, "is loving this person about me, or is it about them? Is loving this person to fulfill my need or is it to extend the love of Christ?" I know that my role as a believer in Christ is to be just that, a believer. To have faith in the fact that no matter how broken I am, no matter how bad I feel that I am at loving this person the way I am intended to, no matter how rough and unfair I think I have it, that by committing myself to God and that person that He will use me. By committing myself to His work and allowing Him to use me there will be an impact, that people will grow, that the kingdom will be advanced. I am slowly starting to realize that it is not about me, it isn't even about the other person. It may be for the other person, but it is not about them. It is about making an example of Christ' love. Even if it is a broken example, at least it is an example. If I want to be like Christ, then I am going to have to try my hardest to attain that goal. The greatest thing is that I don't have to be perfect. Grace is AMAZING. We must take the blows and trust that God will keep picking us back up.

I have found only one trace of stupidity that pertains to the line between selflessness and stupidity and that is that I am stupid for thinking that there is another option other than suffering through selflessness.

God is good... All the time.

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