Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Public Knowledge.

So here is the cold hard truth. When I came back from this summer I was living physically (and somewhat spiritually) like I had just returned home from war. Overwhelmed by what I had just witnessed and consumed by the reality that life doesn't start over when you leave the country, had me down and searching. I think most of us know what happens when we are consumed by life and its frustrations... we break, we take part in things that we wouldn't normally take part in, or at least abuse privileges that we would have previously upheld in moderation. Mine without a doubt was drinking, not a struggle that has really consumed me in quite a while but an act that was definitely an escape from reality over the past couple of months. Satan chose wisely too, because it led to a slew of other failures and moral dilemmas that I am still feverishly trying to correct.
Why do I tell you this? Why I am I spilling myself to random people that view from cyberspace? I am a believer that if you want to change you must first expose. I want to change there is no doubt about that. I am now on day five of no drinking, I am not sure for how long but it could be life... a substantial amount of time, that is for sure (I guess mug 145 wont be getting any use now since its new user is off the wagon). So an act without action does no good. I have actively quit drinking. I am now applying a part of the action; making it public. Accountability partners are great and I am so grateful for the men that relentlessly pry into my life but they cant be everywhere and I cannot trust myself to be brutally honest about something that shamefully consumes my life. So now that everyone knows where I am hiding and what my next move is, it is A LOT harder to be elusive.

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