sweet summertime.

I kind of suck at this blog posting thing lately. I guess summer break has worked its way into all portions of my life... which is okay by me, it has been a well needed disconnect. Next Monday though I am back to real life.

Peace out yall.

Ugh.

It has hit me hard in the past two days that I am no longer going to be in Manhattan... Ugh.

For the first time in six years I am the one saying I am graduating... Ugh.

My brain wants to give up and I still have six finals and three papers to complete... Ugh.

I have my last shift ever at The Pathfinder this afternoon... Ugh.

I just said Ugh four times... Ugh.

2nd Homesick

Tonight, I came to the realization that I am homesick.
I am currently writing my senior report. The topic is the worlds water crisis, in particular developing countries.
My major is based around what I am passionate about, which is cool because that is not very common (I guess after six years you deserve to get it right, haha).
The only problem here is just that... my passion isn't here.
My heart is in a land thousands of miles away.
Its funny. The small nuances, such as rain storms, or walking, or humidity, or confusion, the norms of daily life all remind me of that continent.
Everything makes me homesick in a very awkward way.
I wish I could explain the complexity of it.
I miss the relaxed busyness. I miss the taste of the air. I miss the passion that I grew to be annoyed by there.
I can't wait to move back.
Sometime soon... hopefully.
Plain and simple. My heart isn't at rest here.
I don't even know what my role looks like there but I just know I need to be there again. Soon!

Speak to Me!

So, as my graduation present to myself I am going to buy Rosetta Stone and learn a new language. I have narrowed it down to four languages but I am not sure which one to choose.

The finalist are:
1. Mandarin
2. Farsi
3. Hindi
4. Swahili

I am leaning towards Farsi but I am seriously excited about them all. I guess best case scenario I would learn them all but as for now I can only choose one. So what do you think? Persian, Chinese, the major language of India, or that crazy click from Africa?

I am making my first SMS post. This is kind of exciting.

So I am sitting in Wamego fading away from Chemistry and coming into the realization that school is over in 14 1/2 days. That is scary.
I hope I have completed what I was set here to do. - Do you always doubt your accomplishments when it is time to move on? When I make the next transition in my life down the road will I wonder then, like now, if I made the most of my time?

the Fear of Fear

What is fear when it is transcends all understanding? When you aren't physically scared of something but more or less just aware of a situation.
What is it when we aren't tangibly upset or even worried but we just have an understanding that things are not the way that they should be? I would consider this FEAR but is it?
Does fear have to have feeling or can it just be an understanding? Can fear just be an awareness that something is out of place?
Can we fear fear? Can we be afraid of the feeling of fear when we put ourselves out there? Is this what causes us not to take risk? Is the fear of fear what causes us to be timid?
This goes past rejection and discomfort and this may not make sense to anyone but me but it works in my head... so I guess welcome to confusion that is my brain.

I am Complicating

For the past five days I have had one of the most relaxing but totally busiest periods of time in as long as I can remember. It was great. On Wednesday I met up with one of my dearest friends in Colorado Springs to get an early jump start on his long awaited bachelor party. The two of us hung out with our mentor for an evening and then trekked up to Evergreen where we enjoyed the weather and drank some amazing wine awaiting the arrival of our friends. On Friday I woke up early and as the party gang left for a day on the slopes I peaced out early and made my way to KC where I watched Zach Greinke dominate the Detroit Tigers and I got some much needed sleep. Saturday morning I got to go see the progress that my friends were getting on there community ministry that they have begun in Downtown KC. Its a sweet vision with some even more realistic dedication. They are going to do great things and I am humbled that my father and I could get the opportunity to be a part of this with them by pitching in to prep the building they are moving into. Saturday night was great my amazing parents took me out to dinner and then drove around looking at houses with me as I try to find a place to live. We wrapped the night up with a stop at the greatest bar in KC, Grinders in the Crossroads district. Now, Sunday, I am back in Manhattan finishing my 1400 mile (total coincidence) journey this week.

All week I have been deep in the book of Acts. More so than anything on this miniature sabbatical I wanted to get extended time in the Word. Luckily that was a reality not just a failed hope. On Friday morning, right before my 10 hour journey from Evergreen, CO to Kansas City I stole a nice chunk of time and went into the trees overlooking Mt. Evans and dove into Acts 15. It is some powerful stuff. Luke talks in detail about Paul and Barnabas disputing the Pharisees from Judea and Antioch and their orders for everyone to be circumcised. Paul and Barnabas continually dispute the need for ritual to determine someones commitment to God. This leads all of the way to a meeting with all of the elders in the region where Peter stands up and makes this statement ;

"Brothers, you know that some time ago God made a choice among you that the Gentiles might hear from my lips the message of the gospel and believe. God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as He did to us. He made no distinction between us and them, for He purified their hearts by faith. Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of the disciples a yoke that neither we nor our fathers have been able to bear? No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are."

This week even though I was crazy busy I had plenty of time to process and over think things. I had so much time to consume my brain with contradicting thoughts and excuses to water down the scripture I had read. But, for this I only had one thought. For this, Acts 15: 7-11, I could only conjugate one conclusion.

Why do we try to complicate Jesus with ourselves?

Isaiah 54:10

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Foreshadowing

Nearly 7 years ago today my life changed with one tear. My leg decided to go one way and my knee said no; and that is it. Everything I had planned on and everything that I knew was no longer an option. No more big school far away for free... instead small (relatively) school two hours from home with a dream far, far away. You know what though? It is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
My tenure (almost literally) is about to end and the dynamic duo of Manhattan, KS and Sam McCord will soon be coming to a close. What an amazing ride it has been. What an interesting relationship.
Its funny seven years ago I never saw myself in Manhattan, it just wasnt for me. Now many, many, moons later I dont see myself anywhere else. This is my home now. This is my town. This is the place that I love.
I am dreading the time when I have to actually write this post with depth and full emotion. Literally, leaving Manhattan is like losing a best friend. This sucks.

the three12 principal

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with
compassion,
kindness,
humility,
gentleness and
patience.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on
LOVE,
which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the
peace
of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.
And be thankful.
Let the words of Christ dwell in you richly as you
teach and
admonish
one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with
gratitude
in your hearts to God.
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

colossians 3:12-17